Hi their, fans of words, sentences and other stuff like that like novels and shit. I am back with another truly amazing blog for all of you aspiring novelists out there. What’s that? How have I been recently? Oh thanks for asking, that’s SO kind. I’ve been writing stuff. I’ve also been busy networking on Instagram, one of my posts on there got almost 13 ‘likes’. Networking is great, I love it and I am really great at it – I’ll do a post about it soon and pass on my unrivalled knowledge.
But today, we’re going to be looking at ‘Adjectives’. From what I have heard and read, they’re really important if you want to be a writer!
“But what are adjectives?” I hear you yell. That’s a really great question and my answer is best summed up by the picture below which is from my Instagram page (which I mentioned about 4 sentences ago).
So as you can see, it doesn’t really matter what an adjective is, just write your novel without using any! Genius, right?
OK, great! I’ll be back again soon with another amazing writing tip.
Writing a novel is similar to many things, climbing a mountain, trekking an uncharted path through an overgrown jungle, or multiplying 7 x 8 without using a calculator. But I think I have found the perfect way to describe writing a book…
All you have to do is think of something that happened in the past and write about it. I love writing history novels and shit like that. My last book set in historical times was called ‘King Arthur and the Search for the Yellow Banana’ – it’s all about a king called Arthur and his quest to find a banana that was used at the last supper of Jesus and his mates.
I’m not sure how many people have downloaded it on Amazon but it’s loads!!
Anyway, there are many tips I can give you about writing books set in the past but below is probably the two most important things to remember.
Once you have an idea for your novel you need to start writing it. Once you have started to write it REMEMBER to make things happen in it.
You can have loads of stuff happen in your novel, the death of a pet, a sneezing fit that leads to the main character having to buy more tissues, an old woman opening a jar, someone driving somewhere, a young child finding a fish finger down the back of the fridge, two people having a conversation about something, someone looking at a collection of rubber bands, a lady telling someone she likes The Beatles, a man sitting, someone walking in a big field, an old man saying ‘no’ and shit like that.
So many things ‘happen’ so PLEASE make sure things happen in your novel. If nothing happens in your novel maybe you should stick to writing manuals.
In order for your novel to be relatable you MUST give ALL of the characters in your book a name, like we have in real life.
Names such as Bob, Jill or Peter are all acceptable, as are Zach, Ron and Kylie…in fact all names are acceptable as long as you make sure you give male characters male names and female characters female names.
Below is a list of some other names you can use for characters;
If you can’t think of a name, just close your eyes and think of a friend…do they have a name? Great, use that!
Sometimes you can also use your own name BUT REMEMBER don’t use the same name for every character, otherwise things could get very confusing for the reader.
Do you know what ‘dialogue’ is? No? No problem. I will tell you (even though you could go and look it up somewhere like a dictionary or some shit like that).
‘Dialogue’ is when one or more people say things out loud.
You will use ‘dialogue’ a lot in your novel (if it involves humans talking), so it is good to understand it better.
In real life people are always using ‘dialogue’ such as, “Go on without me, I’m not going to make it”, “I’ve lost my cheese” and “What are you doing with your life? You just sit in your room pretending you’re some kind of writer but you’re just a loser that watches too much porn!” Some ‘dialogue’ can be invented by using your imagination or, like one of the examples above, some of it can be from words that you have heard people say.
Below is an example of ‘dialogue’
So, now that you know what ‘dialogue’ is you can write some.
Remember, all plots need a beginning, a middle, another middle, another middle with a slight twist, another middle bit where the previous twist wasn’t an actual twist, something that feels like another beginning but can’t be because its a middle, another short middle, something that feels like the ending but isn’t, an ending, a huge twist, the actual ending and an epilogue.
“Argh, I am so stuck! I haven’t written for over 12 minutes! I have terrible writers block”.
We’ve all been there, we’ve all suffered from the feeling of emptiness in our brain, when no thoughts manifest. The crippling fear of whether it’s ‘there’ or ‘their’ that you should write. The awful feeling that makes us wonder if we’re good enough…
So, I thought I’d take a moment to write some great quotes from some of my favourite writers to help get you motivated and push you on to achieving amazing things in your writing career!
Pick up the pen, you idiot – Dave Flippers
When one has no inspiration…you..er…erm.. – Tony Maltesers
To write is to live, to live is to write so if you don’t write you may as well be dead – H.S. Plopping.
Throw that tuna salad out of the window! – Gillian Photocopier
Write, right? – Anne Laser
Writing is easy, it’s defrosting the freezer that’s hard – Bill Dickface
Oh just shut up and at least turn on the computer, you fool! – L.L.L.L. Hugedancer
You can do it…what? Oh, yes that does sound bad…never mind! – Cherie Asparagus
Inspiration is 12 per cent perspiration, 68 per cent sugar and 32 per cent…no hang on that’s not right…hold on…erm… – Kevin Waste
Is dranghyerpfff a word? It is now – Deborah Banktransfer
Have you thought of becoming a mime artist? – Flannery O’Flannersterflan
A writer is always listening…pardon? – Doug Products.
Writing is the souls way of hiding all of the awful, awful things that happen in your life…you’re life is truly awful!! – Terry Flange
Can I borrow your pencil, mate? – Ursula F. Nur-ma-nur
Learn to actually read before writing, you twat! – Suzy Whiteboard-Markerpen
What is writing? Seriously…what is it? – D.I.K. Head.
Writing is like sex. It rarely happens and when it does its over within 4 seconds, isn’t it…isn’t it? – Frank De De Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Words…words. Words, words, words. I like how they stroke my bum – Sylvia Fingercat
My pen has run out of ink…Oh no and that was the last pen in the world. Oh well, I’ll just stop – Kramer Tadpole
No one else actually cares about your bloody novel! – Trevor Breath.
So there you go writers! I am sure all of these quotes struck a chord and will inspire you to go on and produce work of outstanading quality!