SPLASH! Massive Splash!

‘SPLASH! Massive Splash!’ is the name of a novel I wrote a few years ago and it’s about four sailors, cast adrift on the Pacific Ocean after their boat capsized in treacherous weather. What follows in an excerpt to give you a taste of how to write maritime stories.

splash! massive splash_LI
The Book Cover For ‘SPLASH! Massive Splash!

Splash!…Splash…Splash…SPLASH! The Pacific ocean splashed against the lifeboat, rocking the four men inside. The sun shone brightly like an orange that had been carefully lit by an array of Varta Industrial Beam Lanterns which you can order on-line from Protectdirect.co.uk.

varta industrial Beam Latern
The Varta Industrial Beam Lantern

“How long has it been now? I’m starving hungry”, said Dave.

“How long has what been?” asked Barry.

“Since we had to get into this lifeboat because our boat sank. I think I might die from the hunger”, replied Dave.

“Oh yeah, I thought you were asking how long it had been since it had been medically proven that adding turmeric to your diet helped improve a persons digestive system,” replied Barry.

“What?” said Dave

“I reckon we’ve been here a week”, said Barry.

“Nine days” said Trev.

“No way! Really?” said Barry.

“I reckon,” replied Trev, “I’ve actually got a calendar on my iPhone but the battery ran out a few days ago.”

“iPhone battery’s are well bad,” said Barry as he chuckled.

Suddenly, from the other end of the boat Kevin, or Kev as he was also known, jumped up and said, “Lads, I’ve got an iPhone charger! We can see what day it is!”

“Where did you get that?” asked Barry

“I ordered it off Amazon.co.uk before we left”, replied Kev.

“I’m not sure how this is going to help us survive, lads,” said Dave, “maybe we should work out how we can catch some fish or some shit like that.”

“Is it for the iPhone 5?” asked Barry as he pointed at the charger that Kev had produced from his pocket.

“Yeah”, said Kev.

“Ah shit”, said Trevor who funnily enough, like Kev also had a shorter version of his name which was ‘Trev’, “I’ve got an iPhone 6. Oh well, never mind.”

“Oh they’re great!” said Kev.

“Guys, I think we need to find a way to eat”, said Dave who was now beginning to look skinny which is one of the major side effects of not eating.

“I’ve got a Coleman FyreChampion Double Burner gas camping stove,” said Barry, “is that any good?”

“Did you get that from Amazon.co.uk?”, enquired Kev.

“No, I ordered it on-line from gooutdoors.co.uk. If you order it online you get a free 12 month warranty.”, replied Barry.

“What are they like to use in windy conditions though?” asked Trev.

“Pretty good, actually. This ones got a windlock pan support which cuts the boiling time down 50% in the windiest conditions. It normally retails at £190.00 but I got this one for £139.99”, said Barry.

“That’s a great deal”, said Trev, ” I think I’ll order myself one when we get back home.”

coleman Fyre Champion
Coleman FyreChampion Double Burner gas camping stove

“Guys! Food! We need it!” said Dave.

Twelve days later, having drank each others piss for days, they were found by some other lads who were on a ship to Canada. Once they’d all got their strength back they had a right good laugh about having to drink each others urine.

The End.

As you can see for yourself I added some stuff about them having to drink each others piss. This is a great way to show how being adrift on the ocean is really bad.

 

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